In Keanu's Defense...the Snus of the Day...

I'd like to state a fact here, if I may. Keanu Reeves is NOT - underline the word NOT - a terrible actor. I have heard this countless times from countless sources. Keanu Reeves is not a terrible actor - nor is he portraying Ted in every movie he's in...and for those of you playing the Home Game, that's Ted as in "Bill & Ted" - that half-witted rocker dude from the "Wyld Stallyns" who feels the need to perform his haunting rendition of the air guitar after every so many rock-related quips. He is so not that guy in every movie he is in.

His low point may have been Bram Stoker's Dracula, the amazingly fantastic classic horror film in which he plays the ill-fated, not-so-British Jonathan Harker. I admit that this man probably couldn't English-accent his way out of a paper bag, but I'll also boldly admit that he met my criteria for a classic performance: he was convincing - the single most important part to any aesthetically viewable fictional character, in my mind at least. The fact that he managed to be convincing with an utterly failing English accent should speak volumes of his talent as an actor.

And then, of course, are the 'samers' - those who think he is the same in every movie. It isn't always that he is viewed as constantly portraying Ted, it's just that he is viewed as sounding, looking, and acting the same in every movie he's in. I guarantee anyone who can watch "Point Break", "Bram Stoker's Dracula", "Speed", "The Matrix", "The Day The Earth Stood Still", "The Lake House", "Something's Gotta Give", "Constantine", "Little Buddha", "The Watcher", "A Scanner Darkly", "Johnny Mnemonic", "The Devil's Advocate", and "Hardball" in one consecutive marathon and STILL think that Keanu Reeves is a worthless, one-dimensional, Ted-playing actor, should not only be shock treated and brained a few times, but should have a look at another actor...

...Matt...Damon...

Has anyone ever really watched a marathon of HIS movies?! This guy LITERALLY IS the same guy in every movie he's ever done. The scary part is this...it's not that he's portaying the same CHARACTER in each of his films...it's that he's portraying Matt Damon in each of his films. If anyone's ever watched "Dogma", "Good Will Hunting", "The Talented Mr. Ripley" (which I actually liked, but will still use it for the purposes of this routine trashing), "The Brothers Grim", and "Saving Private Ryan" in a row in one day with even half of their brain active, they would know that what I speak is the truth. In each of his films, there is no character...it's just Matt Damon reciting dialogue with a cocky swagger...and that's it - you talk about being one-dimensional...at least that's better that than being NO-dimensional.

This man has obtained Golden Globes, Oscars, a very undeserved Star on the Walk of Fame, and was even named Sexiest Man Alive by People Magazine. Honestly, wake up folks.

Bottom Line: Keanu Reeves is a great, convincing, MULTI-DIMENSIONAL, cult classic actor who can always perform amazingly and yet still have no great award to show for it. AND Matt Damon is a worthless, unconvincing, no-dimensional, self-emulating actor who has tons of awards and legions of blindly loyal fans who, to this day, continue to graciously and lovingly suck the long-since-dryed-up Good Will Hunting teat.

This brings me to a side note. Chris Tucker...

...will someone tell me how the hell this man managed to become one of the highest paid actors of all time and get a Star on the Walk of Fame after only doing maybe 7 or 8 total films in the process of almost 20 years? Honestly, folks, the Rush Hour movies were not that damn good. If you ask me, his only truly great roles were Smokey (Friday) and Ruby Rhod (Fifth Element). I honestly can't wrap my head around this one.

Hey, does anybody remember when Mariah Carey was a good singer? Yeah, neither do I.

In lieu of what happened over this weekend, I'd like to start a new blog series on here called "The Snus of the Day". I shall foster this idea and tell you all what becomes of it. Stay tuned!

-abrupt ending-