Professional Wrestling: Then & Now...

This is gonna be something of a touchy subject to some, but I feel it should be addressed. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my State of Professional Wrestling Address...sort of.

You can't talk about pro wrestling without first bringing up one company: World Wrestling Federation (fuck you, World Wildlife Fund. World Wrestling Federation has been around DECADES longer than you and you had no right whatsoever to that abbreviation). *clears throat* so anyway, as I was saying...

WWF - or World Wrestling Entertainment, as it is called now - has been on the decline these later days. It is a very slow one, however, and only a few can see this with the naked eye. Lately, seemingly great ideas have been flying out of the woodworks - all too many at a time. The WWF/E year is now well over-crowded with too many PPVs and other events. With the exception of the Road To Wrestlemania (January, February, and March/April - depending on which month they want "the grand-daddy of'em all" to happen in), there are just about two PPVs a month. This year, a plethora of new names was released into the PPV vein: Great American Bash became simply "The Bash", Vengeance became "Night of the Champions" (a PPV at which each and every championship is on the line), and then you have Bragging Rights (the new annual SD! vs. RAW PPV - totally not a new and magical concept). The final ones are what prove a very serious point that I am about to make: Extreme Rules, Hell in a Cell, TLC: Tables, Ladders, & Chairs, and Breaking Point.

Those last four are pretty much self-explanatory: an all-hardcore-matches PPV, and all-HIAC-PPV, an all-TLC-matches PPV, and one that is just a blatant rip-off. Other new ideas in the WWE include the "Celebrity Guest Host Of RAW" concept, the new Unified Tag Team Championships, the new Diva's Championship, and the idea that someone can steal a championship and never have to earn it. Why so many ideas? The answer is simple: DESPERATION. With TNA's star on the highway to the top of the pro wrestling mountain, WWE Chairman Vince McMahon had to think of something - and unfortunately, that 'something' turned into what I believe will become a big mistake in times to come: he started ripping off TNA. TNA, as we all know, is the master of concept PPVs, and let's face it, they do it extraordinarily well. My personal favorite is Lockdown, the all-Six-Sides-Of-Steel PPV. *gasps* oh no! Did that description sound a little familiar to you? Well it should. WWE has ripped off that idea and created the much-self-explanatory PPV, Hell in a Cell - a PPV at which every match takes place inside - wait for it..waaiit for it...waaaiiit fooorr iitt - *gasps* a CAGE! Why, Vince, why? I can remember a time when Survivor Series, Royal Rumble, and Wrestlemania were the only three unique PPVs. The other nine were all In Your House with some form of subtitle that laid out the theme for the PPV.

In my honest opinion, the WWF/E is in its golden years, having long surpassed its prime/peak/apex/...whatever you want to call it. WWF/E left its peak a decade ago. The peak? A little something we like to call...the Attitude Era.

WWF/E will never in a million years get better than it was in the late 90s. Never. At that time, you had such wrestling legends as The Rock, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Ken Shamrock, The Hart Foundation, and the original D-Generation X. WCW was also in its prime, all the while competing with WWF/E. At that time, WCW and WWF/E engaged in a ratings war the likes of which may never be seen or heard from again (I say that because when TNA's time comes, there won't be a struggle or any neutral ground to settle on - TNA will just straight dominate. It won't even be a competition). The rosters of both shows were abundant with well-appreciated talent and freshness. Every event for both shows was sold out in minutes. Goldberg waged a one-man war against the NWO in WCW and Steve Austin destroyed authority and all but owned the fanbase in WWF/E. It was a time of extreme chaos and great prosperity. I believe things started going south when Vince McMahon realized he would never beat WCW...and so took it upon himself to buy them out. Just as well, WCW unfortunately came under terrible management and an equally terrible creative team, and so was doomed to flounder anyway. Thus began the Invasion Era and the beginning of the slow, ponderous decline of WWF/E.

The Invasion Era actually did have some potential. The ratings were high and the fans kept coming. I believe it would have been so much better had Triple H and Shawn Michaels been there. Shawn was, at that point, completely retired from pro wrestling and was dealing with his back injuries and crisis of faith. Triple H just narrowly missed the Invasion Era when he tore his right quadricep and had to be out for the next year or so.

Nowadays, you can tune in every monday night at 9 PM to see Vince abusing the same stories and rivalries that he has been for the last five years. It's stunning. Vince is a good businessman...but he's a TERRIBLE promoter. His booking decisions have led to so many injuries it isn't even funny. The reason why is because Vince relies SOLELY on the same handful of wrestlers to get the job done...and he cares nothing for the rest of his roster. He has a great deal of talent at his disposal, but he refuses to let those lesser-known wrestlers shine and instead keeps it all on the same 5 or 6 guys. I remember there was a little while there around 2005-06 when all of those 5 or 6 guys were out with injuries or some other serious leave of absence. I remember thinking, "well that's it then...Vince is done".

When the Invasion Era ended, it gave rise to the time of the Brand Division. I believe that, in the hands of a more capable and overall BETTER promoter, this idea might have been grand and wonderous...but then again...we are still talking about Vincent Kennedy McMahon.

This will all come back to haunt VKM in the end, though. Most of his handful of golden boys are on the cusp of retirement - namely, the venerable legends who are in the twilight of their own respective careers. Shawn Michaels, one of my all-time favorite wrestlers (definitely top 3), is certainly at the top of that list. He wrestled one of the greatest matches in pro wrestling history at Wrestlemania XXV against the Undertaker this year, and it nearly put him on the shelf prematurely. After that match, he subsequently disappeared, recovering from some pretty bad bumps he had taken during the match. One of the worst bumps came from a top-turnbuckle moonsault to the outside of the ring. Undertaker moved out of the way and Shawn hit the unforgiving concrete floor like a rock - which did considerable damage to his surgically repaired back and legs. In turn, the Undertaker - a wrestler amid Vince's "golden handful" - damaged his neck in that same match, knocking a great deal of time off of what is already the last leg of his career. This occurred in a high spot where the Deadman utilized his dive over the top rope to the outside of the ring - and landed neck-first onto a television cameraman and his equipment. Because of that spot and the subsequent agony that was probably racing through his body, he nearly lost his legendary Wrestlemania streak to a count-out. When both of these men came back from their respective hiatuses, they were both still in horrible shape - and this was about six or seven months later. What did Vince to help out in the recovery process? He put them both in a Hell in a Cell match. Why Vince why...

Another wrestler close to retirement is Triple H. It is well documented and known that Triple H is already on borrowed time - himself walking and wrestling on two very surgically repaired legs. He certainly doesn't move like he used to and his matches are considerably shorter because of that. You take those three guys away and that leaves you with John Cena and Randy Orton. For the record, I hate John Cena and I am a HUGE Randy Orton fan. I think if Randy Orton can manage to not re-injure his neck, he could go onto to do great things. He's already one of the greatest heals ever. And then there's John Cena. Vince forced this guy down our throats ("our" being the massive wrestling fanbase) and never gave us a chance to actually reciprocate to him and decide for ourselves whether we love him or hate him. As a result, we hate him. He's a white rapper with one of the most limited movesets in wrestling history. I'll give him this, he has a good deal of charisma. Unfortunately, there's just nothing else to like about this guy. If you've seen one John Cena match, you've seen them all - LITERALLY. Add to that that this guy has put himself on the shelf three times already in the process of such a short career (knee, shoulder, and chest), which isn't good at all when you're looking at the long run of it. Unfortunately, John Cena is the face of WWE right now.

Vince has a few other big names on his roster, names that have seen greatness in the past and will unfortunately never get to taste it again. These include Big Show, Chris Jericho, Batista, and especially Kane. All of them have been world champions in their own time. However, none of those guys will ever be elevated to the status of the "golden handful". I think Kane is the most underrated and under-appreciated wrestler of all time. This guy is a monster: he doesn't care for anything non-violent, he sets people on fire, he's brutal in the ring, and he loves pain. Unfortunately, Kane became the biggest victim of Vince's worst mistake ever - TURNING WWE INTO CHILD-ORIENTED PROGRAMMING.

My biggest fantasy in wrestling is to see Kane go to TNA. OH MY GOD can you imagine that? Jeff Jarrett and Dixie Carter - the real geniuses of pro wrestling - would utilize him as he should be utilized. Wrestling fans would bear witness to chaos, dominance, and destruction that has never before been seen in the annals of wrestling. TNA is adult-oriented programming, and as such would use Kane to his fullest potential - the no-sell, immortal beast of old. I can imagine his perfect debut: have another one of those full-scale all-roster riots in the Impact Zone. BOOM! Cue pyro and entrance music. Then have Kane come out and DESTROY the entire TNA roster - Awesome Kong and Sharmell included. He gets in the ring to view and admire the destruction he has wrought from on high, raising his arms into the air in an all-too familiar pose. BOOM! SIX turnbuckles of fire! The big, red monster has arrived! And there, folks, is a perfect recipe for AWESOME.

Then you go from there by bringing back another familiar face and having the greatest Monster's Ball match ever: Kane, Abyss, Rhino, Mick Foley, and Raven. Have the Main Event Mafia try to recruit Kane, only to be double-crossed and destroyed themselves. Then - the coup de gras - put the TNA Championship strap around his waist. Unfortunately, Kane's career is going nowhere in the WWE. I really wish he'd go to TNA...

You've seen me mention TNA a few times here. For those of you playing the Home Game, TNA - or, Total Non-stop Action Wrestling - is a newer pro wrestling promotion started by Jeff Jarrett and Dixie Carter a few years ago. It is already far superior to the WWE in every way. They utilize all of their talent to the fullest potential and everyone gets their due spotlight. They've also given much deserved spotlight to the underrated and under-appreciated talent that they acquire from the WWE. Classic wrestlers like Scott Steiner and Dustin Runnels, and newer guys like Christian and Matt Morgan, have all received their much deserved due credit for their contributions to the pro wrestling world.

TNA has also come up with some of the most awesome matches of all time. Matches like the Monster's Ball, Lethal Lockdown, Raven's Clockwork Orange House of Fun, and the Barbed-Wire Massacre all come to mind.

I know that TNA's popularity sky rocketed after its latest and greatest acquisitions: Mick Foley and Victoria (who now goes by the name of Tara). And speaking of female wrestlers, TNA's Knockout Division is second to none. The women's matches are actually incredibly entertaining to watch. The talent level of their women's division is off the charts. It would only get better if they acquired WWE's Bella Twins (for the Knockout's Tag Team Division, of course) and re-acquired Mickie James. I reiterate, TNA is far superior to the WWE. TNA focuses on the wrestling aspect of wrestling, and not Vince's soap opera aspect of wrestling.

Part of me wishes that Shawn Michaels would opt to spend his career's golden years with TNA. Perhaps then, we might finally see what it would be like to get him in the ring with Sting - or we could all be treated to the Heartbreak Kid vs. the Phenomenal A.J. Styles - which could be the greatest match ever. I actually get goosebumps just thinking about how awesome those matches would be. The same was once said of the thought of the Samoan Submission Machine vs. the Rabid Wolverine Chris Benoit.

At any rate, WWE vs. TNA? TNA every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

This concludes my rant on wrestling for today...hope you've enjoyed it and that you found it informative. DEUCES!

In Keanu's Defense...the Snus of the Day...

I'd like to state a fact here, if I may. Keanu Reeves is NOT - underline the word NOT - a terrible actor. I have heard this countless times from countless sources. Keanu Reeves is not a terrible actor - nor is he portraying Ted in every movie he's in...and for those of you playing the Home Game, that's Ted as in "Bill & Ted" - that half-witted rocker dude from the "Wyld Stallyns" who feels the need to perform his haunting rendition of the air guitar after every so many rock-related quips. He is so not that guy in every movie he is in.

His low point may have been Bram Stoker's Dracula, the amazingly fantastic classic horror film in which he plays the ill-fated, not-so-British Jonathan Harker. I admit that this man probably couldn't English-accent his way out of a paper bag, but I'll also boldly admit that he met my criteria for a classic performance: he was convincing - the single most important part to any aesthetically viewable fictional character, in my mind at least. The fact that he managed to be convincing with an utterly failing English accent should speak volumes of his talent as an actor.

And then, of course, are the 'samers' - those who think he is the same in every movie. It isn't always that he is viewed as constantly portraying Ted, it's just that he is viewed as sounding, looking, and acting the same in every movie he's in. I guarantee anyone who can watch "Point Break", "Bram Stoker's Dracula", "Speed", "The Matrix", "The Day The Earth Stood Still", "The Lake House", "Something's Gotta Give", "Constantine", "Little Buddha", "The Watcher", "A Scanner Darkly", "Johnny Mnemonic", "The Devil's Advocate", and "Hardball" in one consecutive marathon and STILL think that Keanu Reeves is a worthless, one-dimensional, Ted-playing actor, should not only be shock treated and brained a few times, but should have a look at another actor...

...Matt...Damon...

Has anyone ever really watched a marathon of HIS movies?! This guy LITERALLY IS the same guy in every movie he's ever done. The scary part is this...it's not that he's portaying the same CHARACTER in each of his films...it's that he's portraying Matt Damon in each of his films. If anyone's ever watched "Dogma", "Good Will Hunting", "The Talented Mr. Ripley" (which I actually liked, but will still use it for the purposes of this routine trashing), "The Brothers Grim", and "Saving Private Ryan" in a row in one day with even half of their brain active, they would know that what I speak is the truth. In each of his films, there is no character...it's just Matt Damon reciting dialogue with a cocky swagger...and that's it - you talk about being one-dimensional...at least that's better that than being NO-dimensional.

This man has obtained Golden Globes, Oscars, a very undeserved Star on the Walk of Fame, and was even named Sexiest Man Alive by People Magazine. Honestly, wake up folks.

Bottom Line: Keanu Reeves is a great, convincing, MULTI-DIMENSIONAL, cult classic actor who can always perform amazingly and yet still have no great award to show for it. AND Matt Damon is a worthless, unconvincing, no-dimensional, self-emulating actor who has tons of awards and legions of blindly loyal fans who, to this day, continue to graciously and lovingly suck the long-since-dryed-up Good Will Hunting teat.

This brings me to a side note. Chris Tucker...

...will someone tell me how the hell this man managed to become one of the highest paid actors of all time and get a Star on the Walk of Fame after only doing maybe 7 or 8 total films in the process of almost 20 years? Honestly, folks, the Rush Hour movies were not that damn good. If you ask me, his only truly great roles were Smokey (Friday) and Ruby Rhod (Fifth Element). I honestly can't wrap my head around this one.

Hey, does anybody remember when Mariah Carey was a good singer? Yeah, neither do I.

In lieu of what happened over this weekend, I'd like to start a new blog series on here called "The Snus of the Day". I shall foster this idea and tell you all what becomes of it. Stay tuned!

-abrupt ending-

Hey, what ever happened to...?

...Mel Brooks

It's true that we haven't seen a lot of him lately. I know that he isn't dead. I know that quasi-recently, he created "Spaceballs: The Animated Series", which is broadcast on G4 TV and some Canadian channel. I know that the series is going to see a DVD release this year at some point. I also know that he wrote, composed, and directed the recent "Young Frankenstein: The Musical". Although he has been somewhat "lime-lit" in recent years, I ask the titular question because he hasn't divulged any new films in quite a long time. I mean, this was one of the most iconic comedic madmen in film history. From "Silent Movie" to "Blazing Saddles" to "History of the World Part 1" and all the way up to "Spaceballs" and "Robin Hood: Men In Tights", this guy came up with some of the funniest films I do believe I have ever had the privilege seeing.

The spoofy 'MOVIE' movies that we've been dealing with today are becoming quite redundant and well...stupid. The only one of that long line of crap that was even remotely any good was "Not Another Teen Movie" - the very first one. The Scary Movie titles are especially painful (although I will give a little due credit...the first one was actually funny). Being that I am an avid horror movie buff (and somewhat of a historian at that), I think if you're gonna do it...do it right (I cite Mel Brooks' original "Young Frankenstein" as my source). I think perhaps Mel Brooks should return to the helm of comedy one more time and show these people just how it should really be done.

On a relevant side note...did anybody watch the Comedy Central Roast of Joan Rivers? I found it incredibly peculiar that no one in the entire building (namely, the roasters) mentioned Spaceballs. It was almost as if nobody there had actually ever seen the movie...

...Great Horror Movies

I think there is an old saying that applies itself very well to this next topic: "They just don't make'em like they used to". This statement is (unfortunately) very true. It's like film makers today have just lost the edge, you know? It's like too many of them are just in it for the money. I've watched a number of interviews with some of the older and more venerable directors in horror cinema - people like Richard Donner, Wes Craven, John Carpenter, Clive Barker and others. They all made their respective films with the expressed intent of scaring people to the point that they either clung painfully to the person next to them or just ran screaming from the theatre all together - but mostly to just scare them. You know, to make people lose themselves in a great story...to believe that these things could really happen to you...and to make you subsequently check in your closets and under your beds and say a few prayers before you went to sleep.

Nowadays, people are running from the theatre for a different reason. The films aren't scary anymore. I think my cousin put it right on the nose when he said that people have just become so desensitized to films these days. Personally, I think this is because we've just been re-introduced to the same re-hashed material over and over again. I mean, this does, afterall, seem to be the "Year of the Remake". Another problem is that we don't have any real visionaries in the business today. Nobody's churned out any fresh or new ideas (I promise that if I ever get into the business, I WILL make horror movies scary again).

Now, I will admit that there have been a couple of legitimately scary films that have come out in the last few years. The 2003 remake of "the Texas Chainsaw Maasacre" was really good. 2004's "Exorcist: The Beginning" was absolutely terrifying. More recently, two films came out last year, the first of which wasn't very scary, but it was something new and different. Those films were "Midnight Movie" and Clive Barker's "Midnight Meat Train". The Midnight Meat Train was spectacular...but then again it is Clive Barker.

The exception to all of this, good people, is Rob Zombie...and the two Halloween films that he has graciously created in his own image (wow, it just got biblical for a second there). I believe that Rob Zombie is steadfastly re-defining horror cinema, whether he knows it or not. His first couple of films were groundbreaking (whether anyone will admit it or not), and of course I speak of 2003's "House of a 1000 Corpses" and 2005's "The Devil's Rejects", both of which brought with them a new level of gore and a rather cool 'psychadelic' feel (something of a Zombie signature) to the proverbial horror film table. Needless to say, I am anxiously awaiting further projects from him. (P.S. he has a new album coming out this year).

In a final note, the badass rock n' roll Anti-Christ Marilyn Manson is soon to be making his directorial debut with his film "Phantasmagoria: The Visions of Lewis Caroll", a film that he claims will re-define the horror genre. Now, I've read a lot about it and I have the promotional poster as my wallpaper on this computer, so at least it seems like it's going to be good. I am certainly looking forward to this one and hopefully, it won't disappoint. Of course, if his music and image are any indication, I really don't think I have to worry about being disappointed LOL.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope you have enjoyed tonight's in flight movie...

Strange Goings On...And Other Useless Tidbits...

It's certainly been an interesting week thus far. I've been getting some feedback on the places of employment to which I am applying...namely Best Buy and Books-A-Million - which is, I must say, quite awesome. Hopefully something good comes of it...if not...I keep applying elsewhere.

Today, I took Facebook's "Which Marvel Superhero Are You?" Test. I was pretty shocked and deeply amused when my results came back as none other than Jean Grey. I must say I looked damn good after the sex-change, too. The little bio beneath the result picture said I am "a tough woman, not to be messed with - and I can take a man apart with only my mind". LOL.

I took the test a second time before publishing the results and this time the results came back as Gambit. Needless to say, I published it thereafter.

At any rate...

I want to take a little time now to post my own personal review for Rob Zombie's Halloween II (RANDOM!).

To say that I simply looked forward to this film would be something of an understatement. I've been a die-hard fan of the Halloween franchise for as long as I can remember. I own every film. I know every in and out. I'm one of the many who do so look forward to a Producer's Cut of Halloween 6. I am a FAN. So anyway...I took my seat at the Regal Cinemas Stadium 16 theatre and prepared myself for the sicktasticness that was about to follow. Once what would be the opening credits came on, I knew I was in for a ride. Now obviously I'm not going to go into detail here, but suffice it to say the movie was so much better than I ever dreamed it would've been. From open to close, it kept me on the edge of my seat...and even managed to send a chill or two down the spine.

One thing a lot of people have already said (and will continue to say) is that the movie was wrong for not having the classic John Carpenter score in it, save for one small overture during the end credits. I can honestly say that the film, a horror film / sequel to a re-imagining, did its job to the very extreme without Carpenter's haunting melody. Fans and skeptics alike would do well to remember one very important thing...this is Rob Zombie's Halloween...not John Carpenter's. Rob Zombie (very brilliantly and successfully) created a film that will become the stuff of horror movie legend and also managed to create what so many film makers lack these days in the horror industry...an amazing experience. I like to think that I know enough about horror to know that what I speak is truth and that I'm not just blowing a bunch of smoke.

One truly captivating (and terrifying) element was Scout Taylor-Compton, who, in all honesty, usurped the mantle of scream queen from Jamie Lee Curtis, without doubt or second thoughts. She took the character of Laurie Strode through a haunting metamorphosis that not only left my jaw on the floor by the end of the movie, but actually scared me enough that I couldn't sleep afterward.

Next, of course, is the Shape...Michael Myers. You know, still to this day, the only movie to do more damage to me than "the Omen" was the original Halloween II (most of which involved the Shape stalking the halls of Haddonfield Memorial Hospital). What made it so scary was A). Michael Myers and B). It took place in a hospital, something I had become terrified of as a kid due to my own life experiences. I can still hear that old electric organ churning out Carpenter's classic theme. Needless to say, when I saw Rob Zombie's Halloween II a few days ago, that little boy was in the theatre with me. Believe me when I say (without giving away any details) that Tyler Mane portrayed a truly horrifying Michael Myers.

So to all you horror fans out there, if you want a truly empirical experience...purchase a ticket to see Rob Zombie's Halloween II.

On a side note, though...one thing that made this movie kind of special was that I saw it with my cousin. He and I are pretty avid horror fans (and to tell you the truth, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be into a lot of the facets of pop-culture that I am today...so if not for Jack, I'd be a brain-dead realist like my Dad LOL), so it was definitely interesting for me to have both of us see this film for the first time together. Unfortunately, the movie was so amazing I didn't really pay him a whole lot of mind...which is cool, because he was probably in the same position ;)

At any rate...that concludes this evening's ramble...stay tuned!

A First Time For Everything...

Salutations...

Well, since I've heard nothing but good things about this site, I figured I'd give it a try. It's pretty healthy to be able to alleviate things from one's chest every now and again. First on the docket though, a little bit about this account.

In case nobody's figured it out by now, Lenore Bay, NJ is a fictional location...one that I have created for use in a story that I currently have under pen - a story that I would one day like to get published. It's called "Nevermore", and it is my way of paying homage to one Edgar Allan Poe, one of my two all time favorite authors (the other being Clive Barker). The story follows the life of a man named Jakob Allan and his downward spiral to and rise from the throws of grief and loathing...the events therein bringing him to become a dark hero of sorts. And I promise this is of no relation to Batman.

At any rate, I thought I would start a blog on here as a way to convey my feelings about movies and just random bopkus in my life in general...but mostly just movies LOL.

Alright kiddies, that concludes my introduction for today...stay tuned for the next post!